Saturday, 10 August 2013

A Train called 'Bokwas Express'...!

Let's begin with a reminder...The subject of my 2nd blog post - SRK Express, is no way as good as the first - Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar. But it's pretty clear 2 types of Feelings move all of us - Love and Hatred. Sachin inspires you to love him. SRK inspires you to hate the type of movies he is acting in!

Frankly, i think i had more expectations from Rohit Shetty from 'Chennai Fu*#@% Express...than Shah Rukh Khan. Rohit Shetty afterall showed he knew the art of filmmaking well and could gauge the pulse of the mango (aam) people. But i heard Shetty say in an interview in a TV show that this was a script he had written many years back when he hadn't hit the jackpot in Bollywood. While promoting the movie before its release, he had said that he didn't think the script was great, so never contemplated translating this script into a film. Until ofcourse, hamara holwai mitthaiwala (yeah, he is a sweet shop owner in the film) Rahul thought it was a great script since it was so much about I, ME and Myself in the movie with references from DDLJ and few others. And that's how Chennai Express rolled out...Why Why Why God? Why did I have to go through this?

And that's when i think both had gone completely bonkers with a script written in 'Express' Speed by Rohit (i think it was written in his school days when he was premature). I am not a SRK hater...i quite liked a few movies of his (like Swadesh, Chak De etc...). But i guess off late, he is in a different zone. A Zone called 'I Will Make Shit Movies and Torture You All Zone'.


Truth be told! Chennai Express wasn't the movie I was exactly waiting for and fantasizing over...although the promos weren't that bad. Two of my very dear friends and me planned to watch the horror flick 'Conjuring' on Thursday night (8th Aug). But since Chennai Express announced its arrival, Conjuring had to change tracks to make way for the bumper Eid release.

After the first ten minutes of boarding the Chennai Express, it was clear we were watching a Horror movie indeed! Shah Rukh Khan as the lead ghost and Thambivalis, Ramabavalis (something like that...) as supporting ghosts with Deepika 'Meena' Padukone as the love interest of the lead ghost...but frankly Meena did outshine the lead ghost inspite of SRK being blessed with all the powers that most of our Bollywood films tend to shower our leading men with. So one of my friend was 'numbed' after watching the movie, the other friend did not need to smoke up to feel high and I just wanted to throw up...

I like to Hope, i usually do when India is playing in any even though it seemed to be a lost cause, i kept hoping for SRK and Rohit 'Shitty' to somehow pull off a victory from the jaws of defeat. Sadly, it never came!


SRK can see this movie and touch himself all over to feel good about himself considering the references to his previous hits he makes so unabashedly. Thats all that remains of him - his previous hits. For Chennai Express has derailed and killed all those who boarded it, including the poor audience who had to go through this.

I always imagined writing about films or stories or feelings that would move me. 'Bokwas Express' did had me moved so much that i am yet to recover from the Horror(ible) Experience!  

Thursday, 17 January 2013

To 'God', With Love

How can 'God' just walk away? Retire from the scene when the disciples 'ate, slept, drank' only Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar for more than 20 years. Our Tendlya deserved a much bigger, grander or should I say, Tendulkaresque-like (NO, not for the lack of a better word) parting shot. 

Aren't Gods worshiped and celebrated across the length and breadth of India? Then why did the Little Master deny a chance to his fans -- to the billions -- to say a proper Goodbye? To never get to watch Sachin wear that blue jersey again, for this generation is like taking away the Freedom to Love.

He just walked away as if he was just another cricketer. So 'I' (I, here referring to me, you, the few who will read this and the billions who will not), am writing this letter to the love of my life - aapchi India ka Sachin.   

       Dearest - the best(est) cricketer,

       Why did you do this to me? Left without a warning. Do you think i was getting to be a burden on you? No way dude! You are NOT just another cricketer (with due respect to all the cricketers). You can't just decide one fine day, it was enough. Agreed it's your life. But what about me -- your fan? You, who i have loved all these years, the only one who i prayed for though you are not family nor are you a friend. Why did you break this bond, this love affair, without letting me prepare to take you in fully. Not that it would help me digest a Sachin-less Indian team on the cricket field anyways. You can't just walk out in the middle of a relationship JUST LIKE THAT! 

       After all, it's a 23-year-old relationship between you and me. Its not meant to 'break-up' like a soft dismissal against the rule of play. Every time i think of writing about you, i feel like it's an examination i know i will pass, but not quite sure whether i can add anything that someone else may not have touched on. You have, unknowingly, challenged the worst and the best journalists to dig deep and write that one thing about you that will set their news pieces apart. For a brief moment, i flirted with the idea of mentioning your stats, as is the norm in all write-ups on the Great Master. But then i was embarrassed. I realised almost every Indian -- from Kashmir to Kanyakumari, from Porbandar to Silchar --  knew how many centuries you smashed, how many runs you scored, how many matches you played, even the non-cricketing details like wife's and son's name, your favorite car and so on.   


      I knew you were approaching the fag end of your career. That it won't be long before you call it quits. But not giving a chance to your fans like me to say 'Thank You' for all the memories over the last 23 years, i thought was patently unfair. It hurt badly, very badly. Before you, other giants of the game -- Anil Kumble, Rahul Dravid, Sourav Ganguly and so many others -- made an exit and left their fans sad but they gave their fans to say a proper goodbye. We loved it when you were carried on the shoulders after winning the World Cup. We still live with those visuals Sachin. Believe me, although you did not have the best of run in ODIs off late, we never got fed up of you. Somehow we could never have enough of you. We would have respected your decision even if you had announced you were never going to wear the blue jersey again after a certain match (you could have chosen among so many matches coming up against Pakistan or England. And that too at home!).

Every time you walked into bat, stepped onto the field, i loved the noise, the roarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr......the chants 'Sachin, Sachinnnn, Sachinnnn, Sachinnnnnnnnnnnn.......In those moments, the commentators did not have to blabber because the decibel level at the stadium told a story in itself. I wanted to see you get a guard of honour, fans holding placards, crying because they would never get to see you again in the deep blue avatar. I wanted to see news channels going berserk over your retirement, sports journalists having the busiest day in their life. I did not come to watch the match and find out Sachin is not playing. I did not want you to break up when the media and the nation were seething in anger after the Delhi Gangrape case.    
      I was just not prepared for this break-up boss. It hit me where it hurts most - my heart. A part of me began to weigh all possible reasons. The simple side of me told me it was your call, you felt the time was right to take the decision to quit. And so you did. Period. As simple as that. The complicated and sensationalist side in me came up with a counter argument - that the powers-that-be in Congress, the party that you represent in Rajya Sabha, called you up pleading with you to call it a day in ODIs so that the collective attention of an angry media and an equally furious public could be diverted from the ghastly Delhi rape case that shook and shocked the government. What ultimately got reported, according to 'sources' as media calls them, is that you did not figure in the scheme of things for Dhoni's 2015 World Cup team, so Selectors and the BCCI forced you to quit. But as we say in life, the truth is known only to 'God'. So, only you know.

      You have left me with an emptiness that is difficult to fill. And no, i am not talking about filling up your 'little big' boots in the Indian team. No one HAD, no one HAS and no one ever WILL. I am talking about my life without YOU my 'God'. Don't you understand how i feel for you? Don't you understand what emotions you are capable of stirring within me? For one, i have never been the blogging kind, just not that type. But you inspired me to do even that. 'God', even at these times of instant make out and instant break-up, my love for you hasn't changed. You are the person with whom i had the longest affair. Sorry, not HAD. Guess i will carry your memories to my grave.'

                                                                                  With '18426' amount of love,   
                                                                                            Your FAN